Raat yun dil mein teri
January 11, 2006 at 3:27 pm blackmamba 26 comments
Raat yun dil mein teri, khoyi hui yaad aayi
Jaise viraane mein chupke se bahaar aa jaye
Jaise sahraon mein haule se chale baad-ae-naseem
Jaise bimaar ko be-wajaah quraar aa jaaye
Here is a translation by Vikram Seth> (courtesy Aditya Johri)
Last night your faded memory came to me
As in the wilderness spring comes quietly,
As, slowly, in the desert, moves the breeze,
As, to a sick man, without cause, comes peace.
(da black mamba reads the poem)
[blackmamba]
Entry filed under: Black Mamba, Faiz Ahmed Faiz, Urdu.
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pō\'ĭ-trē 
1.
Falstaff | January 16, 2006 at 5:42 pm
nice. But I don’t approve of the Seth translation – the first line is terrible (Shahid, if memory serves, renders it ‘Last night my lost memory of you returned’) and Seth converts what is a slow and moving lyric into something twee and fragmented. I especially hate the fact that he mauls the rhyme scheme of the original – I wouldn’t mind blank verse, but this aabb rhyme pattern is just totally dissonant with the abcb of the original.
2.
The Black Mamba | January 17, 2006 at 11:01 am
Agreed. Seth’s translation has its issues.
There was a reason I chose this over Shahid’s version. I simply cannot bring myself to like the second line.
“and I was like the empty field where springtime,
without being noticed, is bringing flowers;”
Somewhat contrived, don’t you think?
Except for that one line, I did like Agha Shahid Ali’s version better. And here it is,
“At night my lost memory of you returned
and I was like the empty field where springtime,
without being noticed, is bringing flowers;
I was like the desert over which
the breeze moves gently, with great care;
I was like the dying patient
who, for no reason, smiles.”
3.
Falstaff | January 17, 2006 at 4:14 pm
BM, hmmm..see what you mean, though I still think the Shahid version is much better. IF only he hadn’t stretched the second part of that first line so much – I mean what’s with all the brings flowers stuff – all he really needs is:
and I was like the empty field
Where spring arrives unnoticed.
4.
Primalsoup | March 16, 2006 at 6:44 pm
Searching for the said verse got me here. Even if I sound gushing like, that is a pretty neat Blog. I had no clue that there was such a thing as audio Blogging.
I have myself been partial to the Seth translation of it (if one must translate at all!). Though hearing Nayyara Noor really shoul do just as well!
5.
Bilal Abdul Mujeeb | May 26, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Can you tell me the url to listen to this poem by Faiz sung by Nayyara Noor? I am searching for thins song.
6.
blackmamba | May 26, 2006 at 8:14 pm
check this out
http://www.aligarians.com/audio/raat yun dil mein – Nayyara Noor.mp3
from aligarians.
7. pō’ĭ-trē » Baazi hai ab ke jaan se badhkar lagi hui | June 20, 2006 at 4:39 pm
[…] [1] Raat Yun Dil Mein Teri [2] Paon se Lahoo Ko Dho Dalo [3] Aur Bhi Gham Hain Zamaane Mein [4] Jinhe Zurm-e-ishq Pe Naaz Tha […]
8. pō’ĭ-trē » Jinhe zurm-e-ishq pe naaz tha | July 13, 2006 at 12:25 am
[…] Posting poems by Faiz without the translation by Shahid Ali has always sparked interesting discussions on translation( [1], [2], unlike [3]). So here, we have two translations. One by Shahid Ali and the other by Falstaff. Compare, contrast, critique, appreciate… […]
9.
asma | May 8, 2007 at 6:37 am
Classy
10.
Talha | May 8, 2007 at 6:44 am
I read this translation in a book that was recently published by Oxford University Press.
I don’t agree with the translation as well :).
11.
blackmamba | May 8, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Talha, can you provide the translation here? It would be good to have a different approach to the translation as none of us can agree on one translation as being the best. Each is good only in parts, not in its entirety.
12.
maliha azhar | June 12, 2007 at 11:11 am
i want this song
13.
Asif Hossain | July 21, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Maliha, if you want the song of “Raat yun Dil Mein Ter…” then please mail me so that I can forward you this song.
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